Thursday, June 25, 2009

Summer Blockbuster Battle to the Death

Summer of 2008, it was ALL about The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger's last and brilliant role as the Joker cemented The Dark Knight's title as the '2008 Summer Blockbuster King'. Who will this summer's Blockbuster King be? Megan Fox's boobs or Hermoine's? Alan's jock strap or Bruno's mesh tank? It's a tough battle between robots, black babies, every-flavored beans and roofies, but I've got a solid point-system that will predict a winner (I'm leaving the Johnny Depp mob movie "Public Enemies" out of this, because it just wouldn't be fair to the other movies):

The Hangover (+3 for the title) was about a Vegas bachelor party (-2, too cliche) gone wrong (+6). It involved lots of lots of alcohol (+151) wild animals (a tiger +3, a chicken -3), strippers, a baby (+100, i looove babies), Mike Tyson (+2), a cop car, a missing tooth (+3), a wedding (+5 for having two)... Alan was awesome and provided many memorable quotes Did Ceasar live here? (+10) and also dressed as Rain Man (+200). I'm being too generous I should stop.
Total = 478 pts

Transformers 2 (-5 it was a bad idea for them to make a second one)
I really like Michael Bay (+2) despite all the criticism he gets for excessive explosions (look at all the blockbusters he's responsible for... Armegeddon, Bad Boys, The Rock!!). Optimist Prime, enough said +1000. Megan Fox is hott but a doozy (we'll give her +7 for trying). Shia still looks like a boy (-5) but hits it up with Megan Fox (+10). GM really needs this movie (+50). I am a huge fan of cars that change into robots that also fight evil.
Total = 1,059 pts

Bruno Aahhhhhhhhhhhh (+5 for the name)
Where. to. start.
+250 for Sacha Baron Cohen making this movie and being consistently over the top--MTV Movie Awards butt-in-Eminem's-face (+90) and premiere outfits (+30). Brownie points (+100) for Bruno creating buzz early on with his real fashion show stunt a while back. There's not much I can say except it's going to be a hilarious movie, and I can't wait to see it July 10.
Total = 475 pts

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (+1000 for being the best book out of the series, -550 for pushing back the release date when I obviously planned on studying abroad in London last Fall for a reason)
You've got magic (+100), a wizard with a long white beard (+50), British accents (+500), teenagers going through puberty (+5), A SIGNIFICANT DEATH (-50, because it is sad) and an epic battle looming (+300). What can I say? Start counting down.
Total = 1,355 pts

Looks like Harry's the winner.

Looks like Harry's the winner.


  1. Though not blockbusters, here are some films I'd think you'd like that are also coming out this summer: The Hurt Locker, In the Loop, Humpday, District 9 (the viral campaign is everywhere in New York)

  2. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.