I didn't sleep at all last night. I had to gather all the things that belong to you--papers, portfolios--and spent the entire night making sure I got it together. I still can't believe after today I will never see you again. Is splitting up really what you want?
Does the sacrifices I made for you mean nothing? I could have left you a year ago because of my connections with AP, but I believed in us and decided to give you another chance. I even went abroad to London to see the world with you. Why are you breaking up with me?? Is it because I gained a couple pounds (okay maybe like 10) since I've met you? Is it because I suck at beer pong... I swear I can fix that. I promise no more air balls.
I know that someday we will work things out, maybe when I figure out what I want from our relationship.
But for now, do you know how I'm going to deal with this breakup?? I'm going to deal with my good friends Jameson, Goose and Gin and we are going to have the best weekend being dumped by College ever! That's right College, this isn't a joke anymore... I'm moving on!
p.s. No matter what the rumors say, your crazy-ex Asher Roth never loved you more than me.